Choices, or the lack thereof

I have finally set my heart to apply for jobs tonight. My procrastination saw me holding back for the past few months and my anxiety has finally gotten the better of me watching fellow mates going for interviews after interviews whilst I simply, did nothing.

I entered the portal for careers@gov and clicked away, opening ten over tabs just to apply under the numerous government bodies. Because, isn't this what it is about? Applying for jobs under the public sector upon receiving a prestigious education in one of the most renowned universities around the world, NUS, no thanks to the competency and remarkable efforts our government has put us through to ensure world-class education to produce world-class economic citizens. But, wait... What choices should I make? I haven't been taught how to make choices. I never had my own choice.

Because this is the way that we have been brought up in SG. If you happen to belong to any category that deems your family as middle class and above, your lifecourse has been more or less paved out for you. Compulsory primary education, secondary and tertiary education, secure a job, get married, settle down, have your own kids, retire, and eventually return to be with the Lord. Oh, and might I mention, marriage has to be within the heterosexual couple normalcy and procreation under the institution of marriage. Anyone who so much as deviates away from this conventional route is frowned upon by society, or even your own family. In the worst possible scenario, deviants face possible sanctions upheld by the jurisdiction in SG.

For myself, having been born into an upper middle class family (I thank God for it everyday), it's as though I have been brought into this world to fulfill a mandate that had already been written out for me. I have never considered the idea of pursuing a poly diploma (no, this is not to say it is inferior in any case) because I have always believed that I needed to complete my post-secondary education in a Junior College. And then, I will somehow magically get a posting in either NUS/ NTU. Because, that's just the way it is, at least, that's the way that has been indoctrinated into my mind since young. Yes, I took my life for granted. Even with less than mediocre results for my A's, I easily secured a spot in NTU, but for obvious reasons, I went for NUS instead. At 19, I began life as an undergraduate in NUS, and if all goes well, by 23, I would have graduated with an Honours degree, on my way to the brightest but most assuredly, predicted future. If not, what other choice do I have?

Imagine the shock and how much I needed to adapt when I was slowly, but surely, being introduced to people who did not have life as easily as I did.

'Hi, what are you doing now?'
'Oh, I'm waiting for admission into uni'
*Does a quick mental calculation. So s/he must be 19 or 21 this year*
'wow, so you must be like 21? That's young'
'Nah, I'm 25'
'Oh... I see'

I got to know school dropouts, people who weren't cut out for studying, people who could not afford the cost of education. There were so many people who were different from me. And unlike me, they were forced to make choices and took on unconventional routes. Yet, this is not to say that they didn't turn out well. In fact, many of them have proven that passion and hard work does compensate for your academic insufficiency. They love what they are doing now.

On the other hand, I will settle for a job that suffices for my well-being. On top of that, I need to get married and following that order, have kids. No I dare not deviate from the lifecourse that has been paved out for me. I have been muted to the choices I could have freely made. I do not know if this was what could have given me the highest form of fulfilment for my life.

But have I really been devoid of choices?

What appeared to be the lack of choice for me was just about the opposite. I had the chance to opt for world class education in the luxury of my environment. By that, I mean that I do not need to struggle coping with studies against part time job(s) to pay for my educational expenses. To say the least, I am a degree holder from an established institution in SG. I am almost spoilt for choice in the jobs I will be looking out for.

At the end of the day, I guess I'd very much prefer to be spoilt for choices than to not have an opportunity to make any choice at all.

I am certainly not adopting an elitist mentality but rather am grateful that my life has been more or less, dictated.